Monday, October 09, 2006

Difference Between Women And Men

1.NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2.EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20 , even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3.MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

4.BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, after shave lotion, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5.ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.

6.CATS

Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7.FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8.SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9.MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change , and she does.

10.DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11.NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12.OFFSPRING

Ah, children.
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

13.THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

AND FINALLY....
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

**I have to say this does not reflect me, or my ideas of how men and women really are.
I will not spend $1 on a $2 item that I do not need because it is on sale.
I usually will buy it regardless of whether it is on sale or not!
And honestly, I love guys. I accept they are different from women in more ways than our anatomy. I am glad we are so different, I think that is what makes us mesh together so well.
Have a great Monday!
~xo

28 comments:

~gkw said...

ROFLMAO!!! These are soo funny and way to true!

These are some I'll have to save!

Metalchick said...

Very funny! yet so true!

Michael Dingler said...

I like women. They taste better than dog. Fried, re-fried, boiled, baked, blanched. Mmmmm, yummy!

Chalice said...

Those are so funny but my favorite was the couple driving down the road... Funny as hell!!!

Thanks for the early morning laugh!!!

Otis said...

I should get a Marriott towel...

Good stuff, especially #2 because it is right on target in the case of us manly men.

hotboy said...

That in-laws joke is very funny! I'll have to remember that one. Hotboy

Lee Ann said...

gkw ~ I know, that is good for a laugh...

metalchick ~ I do agree, some of that is so true!

michael ~ I know someone else that says that...not that we taste better than dog, but that we taste yummy! ::wink::

Lee Ann said...

chalice ~ Hey! I am glad I could give you an early morning laugh! Thank you for stopping by, I hope you will come by more often.

otis ~ I heart you manly men! *giggle*

hotboy ~ that one is pretty funny! :)

art said...

lol

JLee said...

all true...all true!

angel, jr. said...

What a funny, but very true list.
I like the quirks of the female gender. It may drive me crazy to the point of pulling my hair out till I'm bald, but it's also endearing.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Well, I must admit the mules, jackasses and pigs were my ex-boyfriend's family. They were all congealed into his mother. What a mess that woman is. She gives him money for crack, because she doesn't want him to be "forced" to steal it from someone else. A real basket case...

As for #8. SUCCESS:

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


That's rather sexist. In my case, I guess that *I* am the successful "man"... with different sex organs. But, I'm still waiting for the right "woman" (with different sex organs). :D

Jason said...

You should hear how my friend and I answer the phone when we see the other on the caller id.

"What the hell you want you want bitch!"

"I have to pick up my wife and I only have my motorcycle."

"Here, borrow my car and get her home. If you wreck my car I'll have to kill you. Drive safely!"

Yep, we're good friends.

jiggs said...

7.FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


I liked this one a lot.Though I'm betting that the woman worries about the future after the husband too.

Fame said...

ROFLMAO! Oh my this was just what I needed!

BeckEye said...

Women love cats? Not universally true. I don't trust 'em, and I don't love 'em.

Big Mama said...

LOL! Amen!

rastaman said...

Peace and hugs to you Babygirl!

And, thank you for the disclaimer, lol.

Otis, I have me a twenty ... dinner?

And ...

11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Babygirl is always beautiful!

Semi-Celibate Man said...

Hilarious! Made my day.

#2, 6, and #13 are a scream, and true!

ticharu said...

Shaving lotion? Who actually uses that stuff?

I'm sure this list is what became of my first marriage too!

Cinderella said...

Freakin hilarious!! Love it!!

Lee Ann said...

art ~ Hey! So glad you stopped by, I hope you will come by more often!

Jlee ~ Yes...they are pretty close, right!

Angel ~ I am thankful for that!

Lee Ann said...

Saur ~ I totally understand what you are saying! :)

Jason ~ Isn't it great having good friends like that!

Jiggs ~ You are probably right Jiggsy.

Lee Ann said...

Fame ~ Oh, I am so glad. I have been thinking about you. I hope all is going well.
~xo

Beckeye ~ I used to not like cats at all, but I do love them now...most of them!

Big mama ~ haha

Lee Ann said...

Rasta ~ You are the sweetest! Thank you Rasta.
peace and hugs from babygirl

SC ~ So glad you have fun when you come to the Castle.

Tich ~ I have lady shaving lotion, it smells good, but I normally use a good lather from my soap! ;)

Shannon ~ Hey, love it when you find a laugh over here.

Meanie the baby dragon said...

Hi Lee Ann! Me dum tu bizit yo Kazzow doon ohkay?

Lee Ann said...

Baby dragon ~ Hey!
It is so good to see you, you come visit me here at the Castle anytime. I love to see you having fun in my moat.

Cheryl Wray said...

Love it!! Put a big ole smile on my face!
And so, so true . . .