Friday, April 28, 2006
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Alaska 1956, Preamble. We, the people of Alaska, grateful to God and to those who founded our nation and pioneered this great land.
Arizona 1911, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Arizona, grateful to Almighty God for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution...
Arkansas 1874, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Arkansas, grateful to Almighty God for the privilege of choosing our own form of government...
California 1879, Preamble. We, the People of the State of California, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom.
Colorado 1876, Preamble. We, the people of Colorado, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of Universe.
Connecticut 1818, Preamble. The People of Connecticut, acknowledging with gratitude the good Providence of God in permitting them to enjoy.
Delaware 1897, Preamble. Through Divine Goodness all men have, by nature, the rights of worshipping and serving their Creator according to the dictates of their consciences.
Florida 1885, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Florida, grateful to Almighty God for our constitutional liberty, establish this Constitution...
Georgia 1777, Preamble. We, the people of Georgia, relying upon protection and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish this Constitution...
Hawaii 1959, Preamble. We, the people of Hawaii, Grateful for Divine Guidance .. Establish this Constitution.
Idaho 1889, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Idaho, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings.
Illinois 1870, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Illinois, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors.
Indiana 1851, Preamble. We, the People of the State of Indiana, grateful to Almighty God for the free exercise of the right to choose our form of government.
Iowa 1857, Preamble. We, the People of the State of Iowa, grateful to the Supreme Being for the blessings hitherto enjoyed, and feeling our dependence on Him for a continuation of these blessings establish this Constitution.
Kansas 1859, Preamble. We, the people of Kansas, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious privileges establish this Constitution.
Kentucky 1891, Preamble. We, the people of the Commonwealth are grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties...
Louisiana 1921, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Louisiana, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties we enjoy.
Maine 1820, Preamble. We the People of Maine acknowledging with grateful hearts the goodness of the Sovereign Ruler of the Universe in affording us an opportunity ... And imploring
His aid and direction.
Maryland 1776, Preamble. We, the people of the state of Maryland, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious liberty...
Massachusetts 1780, Preamble. We...the people of Massachusetts, acknowledging with grateful hearts, the goodness of the Great Legislator of the Universe ... In the course of His Providence, an opportunity and devoutly imploring His direction ..
Michigan 1908, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Michigan, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of freedom establish this Constitution.
Minnesota, 1857, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Minnesota, grateful to God for our civil and religious liberty, and desiring to perpetuate its blessings:
Mississippi 1890, Preamble. We, the people of Mississippi in convention assembled, grateful to Almighty God, and invoking His blessing on our work.
Missouri 1845, Preamble. We, the people of Missouri, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of the Universe, and grateful for His goodness .. Establish this Constitution .
Montana 1889, Preamble. We, the people of Montana, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty establish this Constitution ...
Nebraska 1875, Preamble. We, the people, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom .. Establish this Constitution.
Nevada 1864, Preamble. We the people of the State of Nevada, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom establish this Constitution ...
New Hampshire 1792, Part I. Art. I. Sec. V. Every individual has a natural and unalienable right to worship God according to the dictates of his own conscience.
New Jersey 1844, Preamble. We, the people of the State of New Jersey, grateful to Almighty God for civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors.
New Mexico 1911, Preamble. We, the People of New Mexico, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty
New York 1846, Preamble. We, the people of the State of New York, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, in order to secure its blessings.
North Carolina 1868, Preamble. We the people of the State of North Carolina, grateful to Almighty God, the Sovereign Ruler of Nations, for our civil, political, and religious liberties, and acknowledging our dependence upon Him for the continuance of those
North Dakota 1889, Preamble. We, the people of North Dakota, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, do ordain...
Ohio 1852, Preamble. We the people of the state of Ohio, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings and to promote our common
Oklahoma 1907, Preamble. Invoking the guidance of Almighty God, in order to secure and perpetuate the blessings of liberty ... establish this ..
Oregon 1857, Bill of Rights, Article I. Section 2. All men shall be secure in the Natural right, to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their consciences..
Pennsylvania 1776, Preamble. We, the people of Pennsylvania, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, and humbly invoking His guidance
Rhode Island 1842, Preamble. We the People of the State of Rhode Island grateful to Almighty God for the civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing
South Carolina, 1778, Preamble. We, the people of he State of South Carolina grateful to God for our liberties, do ordain and establish this Constitution.
South Dakota 1889, Preamble. We, the people of South Dakota, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious liberties .
Tennessee 1796, Art. XI.III. That all men have a natural and indefeasible right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their conscience...
Texas 1845, Preamble. We the People of the Republic of Texas, acknowledging, with gratitude, the grace and beneficence of God.
Utah 1896, Preamble. Grateful to Almighty God for life and liberty, we establish this Constitution.
Vermont 1777, Preamble. Whereas all government ought to .enable the individuals who compose it to enjoy their natural rights, and other blessings which the Author of Existence has bestowed on man ..
Virginia 1776, Bill of Rights, XVI . Religion, or the Duty which we owe our Creator ...can be directed only by Reason and that it is the mutual duty of all to practice Christian Forbearance, Love and Charity towards each other .
Washington 1889, Preamble. We the People of the State of Washington, grateful to the Supreme Ruler of the Universe for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution
West Virginia 1872, Preamble. Since through Divine Providence we enjoy the blessings of civil, political and religious liberty, we, the people of West Virginia reaffirm our faith in and constant reliance upon God ...
Wisconsin 1848, Preamble. We, the people of Wisconsin, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, domestic tranquility
Wyoming 1890, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Wyoming, grateful to God for our civil, political, and religious liberties .. establish this Constitution.
...have one common thread!
Just thought it was interesting.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
I was eating celery the other day and started wondering what the nutritional value is.
It doesn't really seem like there is much to it. (Celery as a whole).
So, I thought I would share what I found out about celery.
Serving size: 100 grams1 ounce (28g)1 NLEA serving (110g)1 cup chopped (101g)1 tbsp (8g)1 stalk large (11"-12" long) (62g)1 stalk, medium (7-1/2" - 8" long) (40g)1 stalk, small (5" long) (17g)1 strip (4" long) (4g)
Nutritional Summary for Celery, raw
The GoodThis food is low in Saturated Fat, and very low in Cholesterol. It is also a good source of Riboflavin, Vitamin B6, Pantothenic Acid, Calcium, Magnesium and Phosphorus, and a very good source of Dietary Fiber, Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Vitamin K, Folate, Potassium and Manganese. (Oh, and it is crunchy...that is a good thing! Well, I guess that all depends on the situation. I guess it wouldn't be good to eat it in a movie theatre.)
The BadThis food is high in Sodium, and a large portion of the calories in this food come from sugars. (Who would have thought it would be high in anything?)
95% Moisture Content ...WOW, IT IS MOSTLY MOISTURE!!!!
78% Carbs (ooh, high in carbs???)
Score4.5 Fullness Factor
5.0 ND Rating
Protein Quality for Celery, raw This symbol illustrates the proportion of essential amino acids in this food, and can help you identify complete proteins. Learn more about Protein Quality.
52 Amino Acid Score
Protein Complements: Adding other foods with complementary amino acid profiles to this food may yield a more complete protein source, and improve the quality of some types of restrictive diets. Foods with the highest ratios of Methionine+Cystine to Tryptophan
Nutrients per Serving for Celery, raw
Food EnergyAmounts Per Selected Serving %DV
Calories from Alcohol 0.0 (no alcohol calories!!!)
Calories from Carbohydrate 12.0
Calories from Fat 1.6
Calories from Protein 1.9
Amounts Per Selected Serving %DV
Total Carbohydrate 3.3g
Dietary Fiber 1.8g
Starch .0.gSugars 2.0g
Fats & Fatty Acids
Amounts Per Selected Serving %DV
Total Fat 0.2g (I can hardly believe there is any fat in celery!)
Saturated Fat g
4:0 0.0mg6:0 0.0mg8:0 0.0mg10:0 0.0mg12:0 0.0mg13:0 ~14:0 1.1mg15:0 ~16:0 41.8mg17:0 ~18:0 4.4mg19:0 ~20:0 ~22:0 ~24:0 ~
Monounsaturated Fat 0.0 g14:1 ~15:1 ~16:1 undifferentiated 1.1mg16:1 c ~16:1 t ~17:1 ~18:1 undifferentiated 34.1 mg18:1 c ~18:1 t ~20:1 0.0mg22:1 undifferentiated 0.0 mg22:1 c ~22:1 t ~24:1 c ~
Polyunsaturated Fat 0.1g16:2 undifferentiated ~18:2 undifferentiated 89.1mg18:2 n-6 c,c ~18:2 c,t ~18:2 t,c ~18:2 t,t ~18:2 i ~18:2 t not further defined ~18:3 0.0mg18:3 n-3 c,c,c ~18:3 n-6 c,c,c ~18:4 undifferentiated 0.0mg20:2 n-6 c,c ~20:3 undifferentiated ~20:3 n-3 ~20:3 n-6 ~20:4 undifferentiated 0.0mg20:4 n-3 ~20:4 n-6 ~20:5 n-3 0.0mg22:2 ~22:5 n-3 0.0mg22:6 n-3 0.0mg
Total trans fats ~
Total trans-monoenoic fats ~
Total trans-polyenoic fats ~
Protein & Amino Acids
Amounts Per Selected Serving %DV
Protein 0.8gTryptophan 9.9mgThreonine 22.0mgIsoleucine 23.1mgLeucine 35.2mgLysine 29.7mgMethionine 5.5mgCystine 4.4mgPhenylalanine 22.0mgTyrosine 9.9mgValine 29.7mgArginine 22.0mgHistidine 13.2mgAlanine 25.3mgAspartic acid 129mgGlutamic acid 99.0mgGlycine 23.1mgProline 19.8mgSerine 22.0mgHydroxyproline ~
Amounts Per Selected Serving %DV
Vitamin A 494IURetinol 0.0mcgRetinol Activity Equivalent 24.2mcgAlpha Carotene 0.0mcgBeta Carotene 297mcgBeta Cryptoxanthin 0.0mcgLycopene 0.0mcgLutein+Zeaxanthin 311mcgVitamin C 3.4mgVitamin D ~Vitamin E 0.3mgBeta Tocopherol 0.0mgGamma Tocopherol 0.0mgDelta Tocopherol 0.0mgThiamin 0.0mgRiboflavin 0.1mgNiacin 0.4mgVitamin B6 0.1mgFolate 39.6mcgFood Folate 39.6mcgFolic Acid 0.0mcgDietary Folate Equivalents 39.6mcgVitamin B12 0.0mcgPantothenic Acid 0.3mgVitamin K 32.2mcg
Amounts Per Selected Serving %DV
Calcium 44.0mgIron 0.2mgMagnesium 12.1mgPhosphorus 26.4mgPotassium 286mgSodium 88.0mg Zinc 0.1mgCopper 0.0mgManganese 0.1mgSelenium 0.4mcg
Amounts Per Selected Serving %DV
Cholesterol 0.0mgPhytosterols 6.6mgCampesterol ~Stigmasterol ~Beta-sitosterol ~
Amounts Per Selected Serving %DV
Alcohol 0.0gWater 105gAsh 0.8gCaffeine 0.0mgTheobromine 0.0mg
Hmmmm....no alcohol in celery? What a surprise!
So, does it seem that celery is good for you?
Oh, I should also mention that I think I have a slight allergy to celery as it causes my lips and the tip of my tongue to feel slightly numb and tingly.
Seriously, who is allergic to celery?
haha...food for thought!
Monday, April 24, 2006
|Your Life is Like|
|You Are 20% Evil|
You are good. So good, that you make evil people squirm.
Just remember, you may need to turn to the dark side to get what you want!
Friday, April 21, 2006
It was lying on it's side and barely moving it's wings. I knew if it stayed there, it would not have any chance of survival.
I picked it up and put it on my sleeve. It fluttered it's beautiful wings for a moment then calmed down. I decided to take it home and put it on my balcony. At least that would give the helpless little thing a chance.
It stayed on my sleeve the whole way home. When I put it on my balcony once I got home, it started fluttering and walking around. So I left it alone in hopes it would be able to fly away happily.
It is no longer out there, so I am hoping I saved it's life.
Look how beautiful it is.
The first picture was taken just after I got in the car to go home.
The second picture was taken half way home, while sitting in the car at a red light.
The last picture was taken right before I put him on the balcony.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
I get to the gym, get changed and head off to the movie room. For those of you that do not remember, my gym has a theatre room that is dark that shows a different movie everyday, continuously throughout the day. A new movie is shown each day. There are rows of treadmills, elliptical, stair steppers, and bikes (tiered just like in the movie theatre).
It is great; it makes the time fly by.
Anyway, I went into the theatre and spotted the treadmill I was going to use.
It was on the second row by the wall and the treadmill next to it has not been working for several days. (That in itself has been humorous. Person after person steps on it and starts pushing all the buttons trying to make it turn on, then finally gives up. What is funny is to see which people spend the most time trying to figure it out. I thought from a distance it is pretty clear that it doesn't work as it has absolutely no lights on, whereas the others do!)
Okay, I get on the treadmill and start my workout.
There she is! You know, that girl that insists on working out in her bra! I saw her come in and go to the elliptical. She was wearing a little spaghetti strap tank top. I thought; well, this time she will not be working out in her bra because she barely has a top on....wrong! There it goes, she pulls the top off. I know it is a sports bra, but I wonder if she realizes it looks like a regular bra from the back! Oh well, who cares right?
So, I start watching the movie which is Armageddon. I have seen it before, but not in a long time.
At the end, I cried!
Yes, right there on the treadmill while I was working out. It wasn't just a little tear in the eyes, but real crying with tears streaming down my face. Ok, I wasn't boohooing and making sob sounds, but I was crying.
There were two things on my side.
One...I was next to the wall with no one working out next to me (and it was dark).
Two...I was sweating...uh, I mean glistening (yeah, right) so much, the tears on my face were not even noticeable.
Well! It was sad! I know I know, I am too sensitive for my own good.
But I tell you what; my workout was awesome, good speed, good heart rate and good length of time. That hour went by fast!
I hope you all have a pleasant day!
That really is my smile (see, I do have teeth :)
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Monday, April 17, 2006
Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings,"
The proctologist called....they found your head.
Everyone has a photographic memory....some just don't have any film.
Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Guys...just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.
Some people just don't know how to drive...I call these people "Everybody But Me".
Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends.
Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.
If you can read this...I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be put by itself.
Hang up and drive!!
Friday, April 14, 2006
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
One day while buying eggs he notices that the price has risen to 72 cents. The next time he buys groceries, eggs are .76 cents a dozen. When asked to explain the price of eggs the store owner says, "the price has gone up and I have to raise my price accordingly".
This store buys 100 dozen eggs a day. I checked around for a better price and all the distributors have raised their prices. The distributors have begun to buy from the huge egg farms. The small egg farms have been driven out of business.
The huge egg farms sells 100,000 dozen eggs a day to distributors. With no competition, they can set the price as they see fit. The distributors then have to raise their prices to the grocery stores. And on and on and on. As the man kept buying eggs the price kept going up. He saw the big egg trucks delivering 100 dozen eggs each day. Nothing changed there.
He checked out the huge egg farms and found they were selling 100,000 dozen eggs to the distributors daily. Nothing had changed but the price of eggs.
Then week before Thanksgiving the price of eggs shot up to $1.00 a dozen. Again he asked the grocery owner why and was told, "cakes and baking for the holiday". The huge egg farmers know there will be a lot of baking going on and more eggs will be used. Hence, the price of eggs goes up. Expect the same thing at Christmas and other times when family cooking and baking happens.
This pattern continues until the price of eggs is 2.00 a dozen. The man says,"there must be something we can do about the price of eggs". He starts talking to all the people in his town and they decide to stop buying eggs. This didn't work because everyone needed eggs. Finally, the man suggested only buying what you need.
He ate 2 eggs a day. On the way home from work he would stop at the grocery and buy two eggs. Everyone in town started buying 2 or 3 eggs a day.
The grocery store owner began complaining that he had too many eggs in his cooler. He told the distributor that he didn't need any eggs. Maybe wouldn't need any all week.
The distributor had eggs piling up at his warehouse. He told the huge egg farms that he didn't have any room for eggs would not need any for at least two weeks.
At the egg farm, the chickens just kept on laying eggs.
To relieve the pressure, the huge egg farm told the distributor that they could buy the eggs at a lower price. The distributor said, " I don't have the room for the %$&^*&% eggs even if they were free".
The distributor told the grocery store owner that he would lower the price of the eggs if the store would start buying again. The grocery store owner said, "I don't have room for more eggs. The customers are only buy 2 or 3 eggs at a time". "Now if you were to drop the price of eggs back down to the original price, the customers would start buying by the dozen again".
The distributors sent that proposal to the huge egg farmers. They liked the price they were getting for their eggs but, them chickens just kept on laying.
Finally, the egg farmers lowered the price of their eggs. But only a few cents. The customers still bought 2 or 3 eggs at a time. They said, "when the price of eggs gets down to where it was before, we will start buying by the dozen."
Slowly the price of eggs started dropping. The distributors had to slash their prices to make room for the eggs coming from the egg farmers. The egg farmers cut their prices because the distributors wouldn't buy at a higher price than they were selling eggs for.
Anyway, they had full warehouses and wouldn't need eggs for quite a while.
And them chickens kept on laying.
Eventually, the egg farmers cut their prices because they were throwing away eggs they couldn't sell. The distributors started buying again because the eggs were priced to where the stores could afford to sell them at the lower price. And the customers starting buying by the dozen again.
Now, transpose this analogy to the gasoline industry.
What if everyone only bought $10.00 worth of gas each time they pulled to the pump. The dealers tanks would stay semi full all the time. The dealers wouldn't have room for the gas coming from the huge tank farms. The tank farms wouldn't have room for the gas coming from the refining plants. And the refining plants wouldn't have room for the oil being off loaded from the huge tankers coming from the Middle East.
Just $10.00 each time you buy gas. Don't fill it up. You may have to stop for gas twice a week but, the price should come down. Think about it.
As an added note...When I buy $10.00 worth of gas,that leaves my tank a little under half full. The way prices are jumping around, you can buy gas for $2.65 a gallon and then the next morning it can be $2.15. If you have your tank full of $2.65 gas you don't have room for the $2.15 gas. You might not understand the economics of only buying two eggs at a time but, you can't buy cheaper gas if your tank is full of the high priced stuff.
Also, don't buy anything else at the gas station, don't give them any more of your hard earned money than what you spend on gas, until the prices come down..
In my opinion...this would be great, if it worked! Gas doesn't go bad the same way chicken's eggs would. What do you think?
Monday, April 10, 2006
2.The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3.Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4.She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5.Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6.On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
7.The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8.The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9.Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10.Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11.Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12.She is numb from her toes down.
13.While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
14.The skin was moist and dry.
15.Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16.Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17.Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18.She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19.I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20.Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21.Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22.The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23.Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24.The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25.Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
Friday, April 07, 2006
What? Too many shakes?
Looks like UPS wins!
Come on, just one!
May want to start with spelling!
I think it was the FedEx driver.
I bet he went to the school that teaches Arithetic.
It must have been the FedEx driver.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY:Sheriff Joe Arpaio (in Arizona) who created the "tent city jail".
He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them.
He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails.
Took away their weights.
Cut off all but "G" movies.
He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects.
Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for discrimination.
He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the cable TV again only let in the Disney channel and the weather channel.When asked why the weather channel he replied, so they will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs.
He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value.
When the inmates complained, he told them, "This isn't the Ritz/Carlton. If you don't like it, don't come back."
He bought Newt Gingrich's lecture series on videotape that he pipes into the jails. When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture series by a Democrat, he replied that a democratic lecture series might explain why a! lot of the inmates were in his jails in the first place.
With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix (116 degrees just set a new record), the Associated Press reports: About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed-wire-surrounded tent encampment at the Maricopa County Jail have been given permission to strip down to their government-issued pink boxer shorts.
On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 degrees inside the week before.
Many were also swathed in wet, pink towels as sweat collected on their chests and dripped down to their pink socks. "It feels like we are in a furnace," said James Zanzot, an inmate who has lived in the tents for 1 year. "It's inhumane."
Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic.
He said that he told all of the inmates: "It's 120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too, and they have to wear full battle gear, but they didn't commit any crimes, so shut your damned mouths!"
What do you think? Do you think if all prisons were like this one, there might be less crime and/or repeat offenders? Do you think criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live with some of those luxuries until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves? By luxuries I am talking about cable tv and air conditioning. I just think about some people (who have not committed crime against someone else) that are hardworking and cannot afford some of these luxuries.
I guess the question remains....should prison be for reform or for punishment, or maybe both?
I just wondered what people's opinions are on this subject.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several !
times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs. Men are like that, you know.
Monday, April 03, 2006
~Hardly seems worth it.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death!
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
~I prefer a different method of burning calories! If you were a pig you would understand ;)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
~"uh, guys, I won't be in to work tomorrow...yeah, just can't hold off any longer!"
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
~How fun would that be, that would be like flying!
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
~Can you imagine the look on his face when he eats something that doesn't taste good?
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
~Do I want to be a pig or a lion? What about you?
Butterflies taste with their feet.
~Wow, wouldn't have expected they are so limber!
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
~What happens if they break their left hand and have to switch?
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
~Imagine if they could!
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
~That is not the only thing that glows under a black light!!
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
~Well, have you seen how small their heads are?
Starfish have no brains.
~Neither does grass!
Polar bears are left-handed.
~Every single one of them? Is it a rule?
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
~Add that notion to the lion and the pig and what do you have?