Monday, April 10, 2006

Medical Chart bloopers!

1.The patient refused autopsy.

2.The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3.Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4.She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5.Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6.On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

7.The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8.The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9.Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10.Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11.Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12.She is numb from her toes down.

13.While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

14.The skin was moist and dry.

15.Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16.Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17.Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18.She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19.I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20.Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21.Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22.The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23.Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24.The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25.Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.


Bathroom Hippo said...


lecram sinun said...

Hey, did I tell you part 3 was up? Well it is. :)

truckdriver_sefl said...

#25 hehehe that will get ya every time!!

Have a great day Lee Ann!

Becky said...

Skin: somewhat pale but present, that's me!

AndyW said...

I was a firefighter for several years.

Every call at 3:00 in the morning was an older person with "trouble breathing."

In most cases they weren't breathing at all.

Bathroom Hippo said...

It's Marry-me Monday!

The honor goes to you!

Lee Ann said...

Hippo ~ Knew you would like that one! ;)

Lecram ~ Oh, I will be coming over to read it today! Thanks!

Trucker ~ That is a good one. You have a great day too! Thank you.

Becky ~ Oh, you are too funny! I am pale too!

Andy ~ Wow, that must have been an exciting job! Were you nervous about what you would come upon from a call? I would have been.

Hippo ~ Oh, I am so honored...thank you Hippo, love you.

Big Mama said...

LOL!!! Those were great! Thanks for the laugh.

Dave Morris said...

So nurses DO work drunk! haha!

The Appalachianist said...

Just stopped to say Hi.

Lee Ann said...

Big mama ~ smile, it is good for us all!

Dave ~ Scary thought!

App ~ Hey! I have been thinking about you. Please stay prayers are with you.

The Husband said...

"i wanna know what love is....i want you to show me"

Lee Ann said...

Carl ~ Ok cutie, what time can you be here? ;)

Louis said...

So I'm not the only cirus sized guy around?

rastaman said...

Good laugh, tx Babygirl.

**rasta, we can't detect a heartbeat, did you leave it somewhere?**

Heather said...

I want to know who the poor soul was he had his thyroid checked through his rectum.

Way too funny!

WDKY said...

I think I'[ve got to go with #21 and #25, although it was a close-run thing :-)

Bathroom Hippo said...

wrote you a poem.

Lee Ann said...

Louis ~ haha...I know! Too funny,huh!

Rasta ~ You make Babygirl's heart beat!

Heather ~ Can you imagine? haha

wdky ~ Definitely two good ones!

Hippo ~ You are the sweetest!

DaMasta said...

Ha! children ARE abnormalities! Dontcha know?


Lee Ann said...

Damasta ~ They all gave me a good laugh!

BeckEye said...

Hey, I happen to know that you can be mentally alert and forgetful at the same time.

Ok, I lost my train of thought...

Ellen said...

The patient refused an autopsy? I wondered how that request was made.
You'd almost think the people writing the charts would learn a little proof-reading... but then we wouldn't have these little tidbits to pass around on the web would we?

Haha.... you are so clever to find them!

robmcj said...

Mad. Hope you had a good weekend.

BuccoTom said...

Jeezusss, where do you come up with these things doll? Is there a web site or what? That shit is funny. The last prostate exam I had, the doctor also checked my thyroid (or at least that's how it felt! LOL) Have a great week Love.

jiggs said...

My genitalia is circus sized... FLEA CIRCUS SIZED! HEYO!

Lee Ann said...

Beck ~ I agree. That is how, I think, my car gets me to work some days! ;)

Ellen ~ I know...I think I would refuse one too (but probably not after the fact). I used to work in the newborn nursery in a hospital in Texas. I would see mistakes, but usually not to that extent.

Rob ~ Thank you, I hope you have a super week!

TG ~ Hey! I know, some of this stuff is nuts, isn't it! You have a great week too, cutie!

Jiggsy ~ are the cutest little...uh, I mean cutest! I heart you Jiggsy. ;)

angel, jr. said...

One of my medical school buddies sent me that list. I laughed hysterically, but then wondered what kind of run-on sentence mistakes I made on my histories.

BTExpress said...

ROTFLMAO! I'm crying, I laughiong so hard. Thanks for this.

ShyRocket said...

Very, very funny... I love the on about the autopsy. Hope you are doing well and have a great weekend.

Lee Ann said...

Angel ~ Well, we all make mistakes, it probably wouldn't be very many if any!

BT ~ haha, I am glad to provide a laugh!

Shy ~ Hey! Have missed you. Hope you have a great week!

boo said...

lol@the circus-sized man :p

Lee Ann said...

Boo ~ Too funny!