Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
What five or six words would you use to describe me?
Go here and let me know!
I didn't want this page to look so boring, so here is a nice warm fire to warm your tootsies!
Boyfriend taught me....I did this all on my own. No gas ignitor or starter logs!
*HUGS TO ALL*
Friday, February 24, 2006
ATTORNEY : Are you sexually active?
WITNESS : No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY : When is your birthday?
WITNESS : July 18th
ATTORNEY : What year?
WITNESS : Every year.
ATTORNEY : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS : Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS : I forget.
ATTORNEY : You forget?
Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY : How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS : Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY : How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS : Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY : What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS : He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY : And why did that upset you?
WITNESS : My name is Susan.
ATTORNEY : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS : We both do
ATTORNEY : Voodoo?
WITNESS : We do.
ATTORNEY : You do?
WITNESS : Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS : Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY : The youngest son, the twenty-one year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS : Uh, he's twenty-one.
ATTORNEY : Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS : Would you repeat the question?
ATTORNEY : So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS : Uh....
ATTORNEY : She had three children, right?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : How many were boys?
WITNESS : None.
ATTORNEY : Were there any girls?
ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS : By death.
ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated?
ATTORNEY : Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS : He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female?
ATTORNEY : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS : No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
ATTORNEY : ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS : Oral.
ATTORNEY : Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.
ATTORNEY : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
ATTORNEY : Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS : Huh?
ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY : But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Have a great Friday and weekend everyone!
This is strictly for entertainment purposes only. These have not been verified, certified, or dignified as factual. In other words, they could be the truth as presented.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
"How heavy is this glass of water?"
Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.
The lecturer replied,
"The absolute weight doesn't matter."
It depends on how long you try to hold it.
"If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance."
"In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."
"And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. "
"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.
When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. "
"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can."
Relax; pick them up later after you've rested.
Life is short.
Ok, tell me.....
........What are some stress relievers????
I have a few, I will share mine, but I want to hear some of yours!
My first one, is....
**I have an excellent foot roller. I put it on the floor and roll my bare foot on it. Man, that is awesome!
**Hot hot shower, then some Moonlight Path body lotion ~smells of fresh lavender and jasmine.
**Hot chocolate (chocolate always makes me feel better)
** .....ok your turn, you tell me a few!
Monday, February 20, 2006
Netlore Archive: Emailed images chronicle the completion of a massive indoor ski resort built on desert sands in Dubai, United Arab Emirates
AN ENGINEERING MASTER PIECE During the construction phase...... Dubai , United Arab Emirates
All finished. Notice the palm trees outside..........
Remember, this is in the middle of the desert.... The very HOT desert where temperatures get up to 120 degrees..... Unbelievable! But true.....
The INSIDE view:
Why is gasoline $2.39 a gallon for regular unleaded?????? Supply and demand??? That must be it.... we want them to supply us with the oil and they demand that we pay the price!
Friday, February 17, 2006
I guess you can tell by now that I love sunsets. I think they are beautiful and once again, here is one that I watched from my terrace.
I promise, I will start having more interesting posts and I will also try to visit each of you more often.
I have been overloaded at work lately, therefore a little tired in the evenings.
So, I have been relaxing to some beautiful sunsets like the one you see above.
Thank you to all of you for coming over to the Castle and keeping me company.
I love you all.
Have a great weekend!
*Peace and hugs*
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Monday, February 13, 2006
I couldn't decide which one I liked the best....which one do you think?
Some of the words are a little hard to read, but you just might find yourself in there with me!
Build your own blog word cloud!
If you didn't notice...
I made the red and black one the same.
The pink and blue one are the same, but different from the red and black.
Friday, February 10, 2006
We only have one problem....I have limited cups.
So.....you need to hold on to the original cup that you get. There are enough cups for each guest to get one for the night.
Beer to the right, Booze to the left, tea and punch up front!
Have a great weekend!
~ *Hugs to everyone*
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Singles in their 20s-30s are gathering for these eye gazing parties. It is along the same lines as the speed dating parties.
Michael Ellsberg was looking for a new creative way to meet new and interesting people. He was tired of the same old questions…”What do you do?” … “Where do you live?” He figured there were other people whose eyes glazed over as fast as his did in response to this kind of mind-numbing singles patter.
Michael lives in New York City, is an account executive in corporate sales. In his spare time, he teaches Cuban-style salsa dancing. Through this, he has become mesmerized by the power of eye contact to make or break the connection on the dance floor. He feels this is the single most important factor in a dance partner.
Here is how it works. An even number of singles meets in an attractive space over drinks and world beats. After a fun mini-lesson in the art of eye contact, the group splits into pairs, and each pair spends two minutes looking at each other's eyes, no talking, with inviting beats in the background. The pairs switch up every two minutes, for a total of a half an hour. Then there is a party afterwards, with drinks flowing and luscious beats vibing. The eye gazing has an electrifying effect on the party; simply put, three minutes of eye contact is the Cadillac of icebreakers.
It is catching on fast and people are finding that it sparks a captivating connection with an alluring new person.
I find it a bit strange. Sometimes, it is hard enough to look certain people that you know in the eye, let alone a stranger.
Talk about awkward silence!
Monday, February 06, 2006
To give you some background information, Greg, the author of this email, is 58 years old about 6'3" and 220 lbs and contrary to this story, he is quite an intelligent person.
My wife is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something akin to "Well, I have out done myself once again." No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a Life Time movie in the near future.
Last weekend I spied something at the pawn shop that tickled my fancy.
(Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled.)
I bought something really cool for my wife. The occasion was our 12th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl.
What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser gun with a clip.
For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived,with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle- twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek.
If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out - way too cool!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for effect.
I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to.
I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!!!
I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to my wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, etc., etc. There I sat in my recliner, my dog looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not the dog) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target.
I must admit I thought about zapping the dog for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet pup, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?
Was I wrong to think that?
Seemed reasonable to me at the time.
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Taser in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "no friggin' way!"
Friggin' way - trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed.
I'm sitting there alone, the dog looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. (Sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?)
I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it.
(Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight-- always 20/20. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya hate that?)
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY *********!!!!
I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again.
I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position.
The dog was standing over me making sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, please do it again!"
(Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Taser, one note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're lucky, you won't lodge the prongs 1/4" deep in your thigh like yours truly.)
SON-OF-A-***** that hurt!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there???
My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Friday, February 03, 2006
List 8 attributes of the perfect partner.
Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on a post letting them know they’ve been tagged. If tagged before, no need to contribute.
Strength ~ Someone who has the strength to hold me up when I lean on him, cry on his shoulder, call him when I need help (I will be strong for you).
Intelligent ~ Someone I am able to have intelligent conversations with, and has good thought process and common sense.
Sense of humor ~ Someone who likes to have fun that I can laugh with.
Partner ~ Someone to walk hand and hand with me. Helping me through the rough times and being there to celebrate the good times (I will be there for you).
Lover ~ Someone that is passionate, intimate, tender and playful.
Confidant ~ Someone I am able to share my inner most thoughts, desires and dreams...my best friend.
Polite ~ Someone with manners, they must be a gentleman. Yes, I like having my doors opened and my chair pulled out, and all of the gentleman gestures.
Handsome ~ I would be lying if I said looks do not matter at all. I am not saying he has to be drop dead gorgeous, but nice looking with great shoulders and strong arms are a plus. However, if he has all of the above attributes, then he is pretty handsome to me! ;)
I have tagged almost all of you in the past, so I won't specify anyone. Let me know if you take the tag, I will come over!
Have a great weekend everyone!
*Hugs to all of you*
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
I'm a Porsche 911!
You have a classic style, but you're up-to-date with the latest technology. You're ambitious, competitive, and you love to win. Performance, precision, and prestige - you're one of the elite,and you know it.
Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.