Sunday, January 14, 2007

Things that make life easier!

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat.
26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".
27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
31. Never lick a steak knife.
32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks back.
34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
38. Your friends love you anyway.
39. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Do you have one to add?



Anonymous said...

#3 is my favorite... I seen it in an email just today actually and copied just it and sent it around to everyone I know. =)

ticharu said...

Those were great, I actaully read them all, but then, I'm lonely...

Anonymous said...

So, what you're saying is, I'm not really a car ... ? BAAAA.

Anonymous said...

How about this one...

Never...never get between a dog and his bone!

Have a great weekend!

Anonymous said...

That was fun.

I always knew #27.

Take care.

Anonymous said...

aww, my friends love me anyhoo :) have a great weekend lee ann :)

john said...

Nice sayings of Donald Trump ... or is it Rosie's ?

Anonymous said...

I don't believe I could add anything to that list! haha

Anonymous said...

Always wear clean underpants.

Never, never try and take the remote from a man.

Bathroom Hippo said...

Disagree with #5...

But that's just me.

truckdriver_sefl said...

Love that list Lee Ann!

Neo said...

Lee Ann - Sure...

Confius say, man who go in airplane sideways, is going to bangkok. ;)

Anonymous said...

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

hotboy said...

Great post! This kind always makes me smile. Looked at the road photies below again. It scares me just looking at that! Hotboy

DaMasta said...

Ditto on sending it to everyone I know! I like "thou shalt not weigh more than your fridge"

Good to know ;)

Anonymous said...

Those are great. Some I've heard before, but many I have not.



jiggs said...

My addition: never throw away a good cookie.

Lori said...

"No one ever bled to death from biting their tongue."

There are one or two people in my life...people about whom I care deeply (and I'm not naming names!!)...who seem to find themselves constantly in the midst of drama. They always bemoan their bad luck, but I have generally found that they are the ones who bring it upon themselves. These are the kind of people who will beg you for advice, but then wind up either resenting you for telling them your true opinion, or else they listen to your advice but still do whatever it is they want to do anyway.

Whenever I get the urge to tell them exactly what I think, I always remind myself of this saying.

Long and rambling...sorry...I'm sleep-deprived right now!