Monday, February 12, 2007

unanswered questions

UNANSWERED QUESTIONS emailed to me by my friend!

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
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2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

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3. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

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4. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

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5. If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

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6. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

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7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

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8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

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9. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

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10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?

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11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

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12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

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13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

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14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

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15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me...they're cramming for their final exam.

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16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

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17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

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18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

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19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

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20. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

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21. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

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22. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

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24. As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together, it spells "THEIRS"?

Have a good day!
~xo

17 comments:

rastaman said...

Great stuff Babygirl ... I'm going to tickle the cow right now.

Peace and hugs to you Babygirl!

coach said...

Better still why aren't people of Holland of Australian descent not called Asholes !

jamwall said...

my pajama bottoms just exploded upon reading this.

truckdriver_sefl said...

Lee Ann you come up with the greatest questions!!

Dave Morris said...

If my head explodes from contemplating, I'll blame you.

The Appalachianist said...

Ha Ha, "Fed Up"...You look so cute drinking your coffee!

twolf1920 said...

And if a person plays with himself/herself, they are an "Organist"!

Osbasso said...

You must have a great friend who would send you this!

jiggs said...

Preparations A through G, all call severe burning.

hotboy said...

Folk buy bottled water in Scotland when the tap water is perfect! Hotboy

Mr. Plum said...

I actually don't know the answer to any of those ha ha!

Cinderella said...

That last one makes a lot of sense!!

angel, jr. said...

I can start with onety-one!! Sounds like a cool number.

MyUtopia said...

lol, great post!

Hypersonic said...

Sorry...I was mezmerised by your lips.

Oh yeah, they was funny them questions were.

Ellen said...

I had these e-mailed to me as well, and got a tickle out of "theirs".... especially since I am working on my business and personal ones at the same time. Some days I think it would be better if we just went to a flat tax rate, and did away with the IRS altogether.

Loved your pictures from the balcony.... nice view you have there!

robmcj said...

Number 2!

I don't know about Preparations A through G, but whatever happened to number 23? ;)