Monday, November 20, 2006

Do you have one?

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.....

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated came as a rude shock, like the roaming charges that appear on your cell phone bill when you make a long distance call from Mexico.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

13. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

14. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

15. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

16. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

17. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

18. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

19. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

20. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

21. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

22. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

23. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard chimes ringing, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Some of these made me laugh!
If you have a good one, share!
Have a great week...
Love you all!
~xo

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Those are hysterical!!

"She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef." LOL

rastaman said...

Hilarious!!! Thank you Babygirl, some made me convulse with laughter ... and I'm not even smoking!!

Peace and hugs to you Babygirl

Rasta

Anonymous said...



Wow...I've used some similar analogies on my assignments.

I gotta be more careful....like Einstein holding the bomb.

Thanks for the warning Lee Ann!

Friends of McDougal said...

I wonder if any of those kids would be interested in a job writing for FoMcD. I could use a vacation.

Fred said...

I have too many to share. Lets just say I get some really good ones. Maybe I need to start saving them up for a post.

Have a great Thanksgiving, Lee Ann. Enjoy the holiday.

Phain said...

#10 made me physically shudder!

Roonie said...

Cute, although I have none to contribute.

Anonymous said...

Those are seriously funning! LMAO

Mike

Anonymous said...

lol

Edge said...

That last one was great! Wouldn't it be fun to be a high school English teacher?

~Jef

Cinderella said...

~Snicker~ It would be even funnier if they asked a class of Kindergarten students..imagine those answers! HA!

Happy Monday!

coach said...

When I was in grade skul , I submitted this metaphor to my teacher :

' you're so hot , the men get orgasm just looking at you '

Needless to say . I was put on detention that day !

Saur♥Kraut said...

Very funny~! I wonder though, did the teachers intentionally solicit such analogies?

My fave is #9:

. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

I wish *I* could take credit for it. ;o)

hotboy said...

I loved this today, Lee Ann, but couldn't leave a comment as my work has blocked bloggy stuff. Can they do that in America? Anyway, it was funny! Hotboy

Ellen said...

These were funny and stupid all rolled into one.... like a clown with small nose and feet.
Seriously, though....I can't wait till Fred posts some of the ones he's seen. Even if they are bad metaphors... they are hilarious to read.

jiggs said...

I think many of those things are very clever.

ticharu said...

Most of those made me laugh! Stand up comedy that!

The Appalachianist said...

23 will win them over

LiveLee said...

very funny...young adults have such an interesting perspective sometimes...i was never that creative.

Phats said...

These are funny I enjoyed them :)

have a great thanksgiving!

robmcj said...

"16. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut."

Brilliant!