Monday, November 27, 2006

From the Q Files

The following is a *true* story.
Taco Hell and the $2 Bill by Peter Leppik

http://windell.oskay.net/humor/qqqfiles/extras/taco.html

It amused the hell out of me while it was happening. I hope it isn't one of those "had to be there" things.
On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday ca$h Ineed, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold is a $50bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting pissed at me.

ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."
IT: "Is that it?"
ME: "Yep."
IT: "That'll be $1.04, eat here?"
ME: "No, it's *to* *go*." [I hate effort duplication.]

At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and says
IT: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."

He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot.
The following conversation occurs between the two of them.

IT: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
MG: "No. A what?"
IT: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
MG: "Ask for something else, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A $2 BILL."
IT: "Yeah, thought so."

He comes back to me and says
IT: "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?"
ME: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"
IT: "I don't know."
ME: "See here where it says legal tender?"
IT: "Yeah."
ME: "So, shouldn't you take it?"
IT: "Well, hang on a sec."

He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to shoplift, and
IT: "He says I have to take it."
MG: "Doesn't he have anything else?"
IT: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change."
MG: "I'M NOT OPENING THE SAFE WITH HIM IN HERE." [my emphasis]
IT: "What should I do?"
MG: "Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money."
IT: "I can't tell him that, you tell him."
MG: "Just tell him."
IT: "No way, this is weird, I'm going in back."

The manager approaches me and says
MG: "Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night." [it was 8pm and this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor mall with 100 other stores.]
ME: "Well, here's a two."
MG: "We don't take *those* either."
ME: "Why the hell not?"
MG: "I think you *know* why."
ME: "No really, tell me, why?"
MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."
ME: "Excuse me?"
MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."
ME: "What the hell for?"
MG: "Please, sir."
ME: "Uh, go ahead, call them."
MG: "Would you please just leave?"
ME: "No."
MG: "Fine, have it your way then."
ME: "No, that's Burger King, isn't it?"

At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people STARING at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45 year oldish guy comes in and says [at the other end of counter, in a whisper]
SG: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
MG: "This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money."
SG: "Really? What?"
MG: "Get this, a *two* dollar bill."
SG: "Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?" [incredulous]
MG: "I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has is a fifty."
SG: "So, the fifty's fake?"
MG: "NO, the $2 is."
SG: "Why would he fake a $2 bill?"
MG: "I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"
SG: "Yeah..."Security guard walks over to me and says
SG: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."
ME: "Uh, no." SG: "Lemme see 'em."
ME: "Why?"
SG: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"At this point I was ready to say, "SURE, PLEASE," but I wanted to eat, so I said
ME: "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill." I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says
SG: "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
MG: "It's fake."
SG: "It doesn't look fake to me."
MG: "But it's a **$2** bill."
SG: "Yeah?"
MG: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"

The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it dawned on the guy that he had no clue. My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon things, too. Makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. At least you get free food.


I hope you all had a happy Thanksgiving...and/or a great weekend.
Have a great week!
~xo

17 comments:

~gkw said...

I think that prooves my theory that they hire only uneducated people at Taco Bell.... I've NEVER been to one where ANY of the employees seemed to have a clue..

jiggs said...

I got me a big ass stack of $2 bills. I think they're rad.

Anonymous said...

Is this a new type of note? I don't get it.

truckdriver_sefl said...

A perfect example of the "dumbing down" of America!!

Great story Lee Ann!!

Edge said...

That's awesome! I love $2 bills.

~Jef

Jason said...

I have a $2 bill in my wallet, maybe I should try this.

BTExpress said...

LMAO! What idiots. I think I'm going to get a bunch of those gold dollar coins and see how much trouble I can cause.

Phats said...

haha funny, I have a 2$ bill maybe I should try this. I would have just paid with my debit card!

Heather said...

I think $10 bills are going the way of $2. Nobody has them anymore.

Becky said...

LOL, I work in a grocery store and supervise the cashiers now and I had a cashier ask me the other day... "how do i enter this?" she was holding up a gold dollar coin.... *sigh* I said "it's a dollar so enter it like a dollar!" Geesh!

Ellen said...

The only problem about the $2 bill is that they don't have a slot to hold them in in the cash register. Other than that, I still can't believe the manager and cashier has never heard of them.

When I worked at a hotel 20 years ago, we had Clemson come in to stay for some play-offs, and they all had $2 bills.... and all stamped with paw prints. It was way too cute... but we had no problem accepting them.

Geez... what's wrong with our educational system if they haven't taught our kids about simple monetary bills?

rastaman said...

Funny stuff Babygirl! Even Rasta knows about two dollar bills, lol.

Peace and hugs to you Babygirl

Anonymous said...

funny story :)

BuccoTom said...

I weep for the future. Seriously, my monitor is wet. Have a great week babe.
TG

Semi-Celibate Man said...

Hysterical! I haven't seen a $2 in a while, but still....

amera hearts said...

that is such an awesome story. it sounds like what happens to me every day. weird crap like that happens to me all the time. ggrr...

i thoguht of you today. i wish i had a camera. it's snowing a ton and looks so pretty.

Metalchick said...

I can't believe tht taco Bell guy and his manager never heard of a $2 bill! they are both idiots!

I love $2 Bills! I should get some when I cash my next paycheck.