Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Sipping Vodka

I got this email the other day. It was a chain know, send to 5 people and your biggest and best wish will come true. Send it to 3 people only half of your wish will come true. Send it to one person, no point in wishing...and if you don't send it to anyone, that means you have no friends....("something like that")


A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .

12) The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry.

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yea God.

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Ok, now I have sent this out to all of you....which is more than 5 people.
My wish did not come true!

Have a great day!


Becky said...

Good luck on your bestest wish coming true!

Jason said...

I tried it to. Instead of Ed Mcmahon knocking on my door with a million dollar envelope, there is a flood warning until noon today. Dammit!

I too hope your wishes come true.

angel, jr. said...

Good luck!!!

Foto Man said...

What a laugh ! This is great . I will chain the letter .

MyUtopia said...

Yeah, I read this one awhile ago, it's still hilarious!

Towelie said...

you guys wanna get high?

fuckbeak said...

7 fuckbeaks

Violet said...

my mom grew up and went to catholic school and her favorite grace to say before any meal was 'rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub' so that seems okay with me.

Dave Morris said...

Thanks for not forwarding it to me, I'm doing my part to stop internet congestion. I'm limiting forwards to only pictures of nekkid girls, and I'm only sending them to Lightning Bug's Butt.

(unless you want to be copied in)

Shannon said...

"When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass."

That was great...

I never send these things out. my wishes never come true..what a load of internet crap!! hehe =)

Saur♥Kraut said...

Yeah, I've heard this one before. It still makes me grin. ;o)

Lee Ann said...

Becky ~ Thank you so much Beck!

Jason ~ Thank you Jason, I hope yours do too.

Angel ~ I know not to depend on these chain letters...haha

Lee Ann said...

Foto ~ Oh, you know you will have good luck then, right???? ;)

Myutopia ~ I agree!

Towelie ~ ?

Lee Ann said...

Fuckbeak ~ ?

Violet ~ That is funny!

Dave ~ I am with you. I don't pass that stuff either.
Thanks for the offer, I will pass ;) But,if I run across any nekkid girl pics, I will forward to you!

Lee Ann said...

Shannon ~ I think that was my favorite one too.
Exactly...crap is right! ;)

Saur ~ It is amusing!

Otis said...

I'm stealing this from you...

hotboy said...

Best wishes for the wishes! Loved this since I was once a tim! Hotboy

Lee Ann said...

Otis ~ be my guest!

Hotboy ~ Thank you, you are a doll.

jiggs said...

I was in the peter pulling contest at st. taffy's. I came in second place.

Lee Ann said...

Jiggs ~ Second is great, you should be very proud!

Bathroom Hippo said...


A freakin CHAIN LETTER!!!

Lee Ann said...

Hippo ~ No, I wasn't sending a chain. I was emphasizing how silly it is when they say ...your wish will come true if you follow the instructions.

Heather said...

I guess my wish of never getting another chain letter won't ever come true since I always delete them.

Recovering Wino said...

Hey are you? Found your blog, and I was wondering if you could recommend some humorous and/or thought provoking blogs on recovery? Thanks!


David Amulet said...

I like #7. Daddy, Junior, and the Spook sounds like a good cartoon!

-- david

Lee Ann said...

Heather ~ I completely understand what you are saying! ;)

Stayathomemom ~ Hey! Glad you found your way here. I will think about it and let you know. Hope you will come by more often.

Lee Ann said...

David ~ Yes, it does! You might have something there.