Wednesday, July 19, 2006

All in how you say it!

Dictionary for Decoding Women's Personal Ads

40-ish..........................................49
Adventurous.................................Slept with everyone.
Athletic.......................................No breasts
Average looking............................Mooooooo.
Beautiful.....................................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure........................On medication.
Feminist.......................................Fat.
Free Spirit....................................Junkie.
Friendship first...............................Former Sl*t.
New-Age.......................................Body hair in wrong places.
Old-fashioned................................No BJ's.
Open-minded.................................Desperate.
Outgoing.......................................Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional..................................B*tch.
Voluptuous....................................Very Fat.
Large frame...................................Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate...........................Stalker.

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let’s have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

48 comments:

Killdare said...

Oh goody! I'm first. Hi Leann. Nice dress! Would you like to go out to dinner sometime?


;-)

The Husband said...

very funny....and so true!

David Amulet said...

I stopped by courtesy of Phoenix's blog. This list is great--the "friendship first" and "soul mate" ones are hysterical!!

-- david

AndyW said...

Damn, now the secrets are out!

lecram sinun said...

ROFLMAO! And all true!

twolf1920 said...

Mostly if a guy speaks to a woman at ALL, he wants to bone her.

Lee Ann said...

Killdare ~ "Maybe" haha
You are cute!

Carl ~ I know Carl...
How are you today?

David ~ Oh, I am glad you came to visit. I hope you will come by more often.

Lee Ann said...

Andy ~ Shhhh! We won't tell!

Lecram ~ ;) Well, true, right?

T ~ Oh really?
*blushing*
;)

truckdriver_sefl said...

All right on the money!!

Have a nice day Lee Ann!

Foto Man said...

No wonder . Everytime I had dinner with a woman , I end up in bed ! Darn .

Foto Man said...

And everytime I wanted sex , I ended up having dinner . Double Darn.

NIKEY said...

Funny how we can hide our 'real' intentions under seemingly innocent English .
Now , May I have sex err.. dinner with you Lee Ann ?

MyUtopia said...

I love #5 for the women! I actually laughed out loud to that one. "You'll be sorry"!

WDKY said...

The truth is that it's all far too close to the truth for comfort. Especially Pt 1!!!

BKS said...

Eerily true :O

Brad

Tumbleweed said...

That is great...now I can write my own personal add the right way!!

SWF, 30ish who is open-minded, outgoing and quite athletic. Can be very professional if the situation arises and I am looking for my soul mate...immediately. Did I mention I am not old-fashioned?

Can you post the men's meanings now so I can add a "seeking" section to it??

Phats said...

Thanks for dechipering all of this for me :) it's really helpful!

honkeie2 said...

see simple minded men mean no guess work....I never knew that newage ment shag carpits at the Y....but U missed one...11) Thanks for the beer....I love u more than my grill.

Shannon said...

LMAO!! I love it....I was already aware of the meaning of some of these "Words" teeeheee

Fred said...

Lee Ann - these are great! I'm reading them to The Missus as we speak. She loves 'em!

Jason said...

Damn, someone already asked you out to dinner. Well, how about a movie?

Neo said...

Lee Ann - Hey....... now wait just a minute there!

Hmmmm, on second thought, you might be right. ;)

Peace & Hugs,

- Neo

Lee Ann said...

Trucker ~ I know, that was pretty good! Thank you Trucker, you too!

Foto ~ Sounds like that could be good either way! Was it?

Nike ~ You are right! Yes, uh NO, uh...now I don't know! ;)

Lee Ann said...

Myutopia ~ Sounds like that could be right!

wdky ~ Sounds like you are speaking from experience.

bks ~ I know! :)

Lee Ann said...

tumble ~ Haha...that is great! If I find out what the men's meanings are, I will let you know!

Phats ~ Glad I could help! ;)

Honkeie ~ Now, that is a good one!

Lee Ann said...

Shannon ~ haha...I know they are great!

Fred ~ I think everyone sees a little truth to these!

Jason ~ Yes, I mean No....hmmmm (which one means which?) ;)

Lee Ann said...

Neo ~ awww...you are cute!
*hugs*

Phain said...

darlin' I may have to steal this post from you (with proper credit of course!)...fukkin BRILLIANT!

Bathroom Hippo said...


Now that's my kind of language!

sabatkes said...

Your posts are always so clever! I'll be back for HNT!
Check out the movie on Hippo's blog!!!! You are so cute!

Lee Ann said...

le chat ~ be my guest...I loved it too!

Hippo ~ I knew that about you!
::smooches::

Sabatkes ~ I did watch it. That was awesome...You were in the very beginning, it was great. Hippo is so talented.

Violet said...

true story, leann!

the problem is that women always try to translate what men say into their own language and men always think that women are speaking man-ese....

we need one of those star trek translator thingy-s...

jiggs said...

Ironically, when men say "I'd like to have sex with you", it really means "i just want to talk about feelings."

hotboy said...

That's the funniest so far! Hotboy

LeperColony said...

This is why men think commmunication is overrated. It really doesn't take too much to get across what we want to say.

Lee Ann said...

Violet ~ Hahaha, I think in the man's language, they usually have the one thing on their mind. Don't you think? :)

Jiggs ~ Oh, now that is interesting! Thanks for sharing that.

Hotboy ~ Do you think that has any truth to it Hotboy?

Lepercolony ~ Haha...that is funny.

ticharu said...

Too much laughing this morning! I'm gonna bust a gut.

Lee Ann said...

Tich ~ Sorry!
Laughing is good for you....Hope you have a great day!

Spinning Girl said...

OK, this one made me laugh out loud. Did you make this up?

Dave Morris said...

Yeah... so?

Pavel said...

Just visiting.

Man, that was funny! I'm so putting you in my favorites!!!

Jason said...

No means yes! ;-)

robmcj said...

Great fun Lee Ann. And true.

jamwall said...

hi, can i take you to dinner?

LOL!

Lee Ann said...

SG ~ I cannot take full credit for this one! It got me too!

Dave ~ ::smirk:: ;)

pavel ~ Hey! I am so glad you stopped over. I hope you will come by more often.

Lee Ann said...

Jason ~ haha.... are you trying to trick me?

Rob ~ Rob, there is some truth to it, right? haha

Jams ~ Yes, (I think I know what I think I mean, do you know what I am thinking?)

Fame said...

This is right on! LOL

Lee Ann said...

Fame ~ too funny, isn't it!