Thursday, September 28, 2006

THINGS HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY:

My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat.

Sorry! Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be. But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.

Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder... "What the hell was I thinking?"

Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.

How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?

I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you .. I've changed my mind.

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in hell until I met you.

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me.

Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go... Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.

Happy birthday! You look great for your age. Almost lifelike!

When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

We have been friends for a very long time .. let's say we stop?

I'm so miserable without you it's almost like you're here.

So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.

23 comments:

NIKEY said...

Not Hallmark but maybe Hellmark will write 'em !

truckdriver_sefl said...

Love those!! hehehe!!

Have a great day Lee Ann!

Edge said...

I wish they said this stuff. This is everything I want to say, but society won't let me, or maybe it's sobriety won't let me.

~Jef

Lee Ann said...

Nike ~ You are right! ;)

Trucker ~ I thought they were amusing too.
Have a great day Trucker.


Jef ~ Exactly! haha
Have a good day Jef

Foto Man said...

I'd like to give one of this to my mother in law !

angel, jr. said...

Could you imagine if Hallmark had indeed put cards out like that?

~gkw said...

I WISH there was a card company that made those cards! Those were soooo great! Most of my friends know I'd probably say something like that to them anyway! LOL

Great post!

Lee Ann said...

Foto ~ Oh really?! ;)

Angel ~ Yes, they would come under the heading of "Angry Cards"!

gkw ~ That would be funny...new little novelty item!

JLee said...

hahah...hilarious! the second one reminds me of "Talladega Nights" lol

Cinderella said...

Did you ever watch Family Guy??

I love that show!! There was one episode where they were looking at cards..and the one guy says..

"Do you have a card for herpes?"

The guy looks, he then says..

"Yes! It says..."Sorry I accidently gave you herpes"

The other guys says..

"That's all you have is accidently?"

Hahaha, wouldn't it be great if they made cards for that kinda stuff? hehe

That still cracks me up! =P

Cinderella said...

guy* says...sorry I got excited over that =P

Anonymous said...

that post made me smile:)

sans said...

You are so funny! Do you mind if I borrow some? Did you write them?

amera hearts said...

those are mean...but funny!

cinderella - i love family guy!

Lee Ann said...

Jlee ~ Really...I have not seen that movie. Was it good?

Shannon ~ Yes, I have seen that show. It DOES sound like something from that show. :)

In2deep ~ I am glad it gave you a smile. Thank you for stopping over here. I hope you will come by more often.

Sans ~ No, I didn't write them. Help yourself! :)

Amera ~ I know, they are mean. It would be wild if there really were these types of cards!

Jason said...

Ouch! I was trying to think of another good one, but I don't feel like being mean right now. What the hell is wrong with me?

jamwall said...

how about...

"happy birthday uncle dad!"

Lee Ann said...

Jason ~ There is nothing wrong with that!

Jams ~ OOOOOHHHHHHH! hahaha

jiggs said...

They should really sell these cards. someone would make a bundle.

Phats said...

haha this were funny, I would like to send these to some people, where can i buy the cards?

robmcj said...

Great Lee Ann. My favourite is "I'm so miserable without you it's almost like you're here"

Lee Ann said...

Jiggs ~ You are right! I thought so too.

Phats ~ I don't know, but you have to imagine that some novelty store has to have something like this. ;)

Rob ~ That is a good one! Hope your trip is going well. :)

Spinning Girl said...

Those are a riot.