Monday, June 12, 2006

Guys, is this right?

Lisa Daily, syndicated relationship columnist and author of Stop Getting Dumped, who promises to help readers find and marry "the one" in three years or less.
A dating guru, Daily interviewed -- and continues to do so -- hundreds of bachelors to find out what makes a woman marriage material in this day and age.
Here, Daily dishes aboutthe 10 traits every man is looking for in a serious girlfriend:
1. She has a life of her own -- and it's pretty good to boot. Ladies, this means that you take care of yourself, pay attention to your personal style and find time to hang with your fabulous friends and family. You seek adventure by traveling. And you take in life's pleasures -- from indulging in dessert to walking through the park on a sunny day. "You don't expect your boyfriend to be your entire existence," says Daily. In other words, you're not waiting for some man to show up, so you can get your "real life" started.
2. She never makes the first move. This issue has been debated to death, and there is no true consensus. But Daily says that she strongly believes women should never, ever pursue a man. Instead, she suggests waiting for the man to initiate and plan dates. Her reasoning: If the woman is always the one calling, she will never know if he is really interested in her or if it's just convenient for him. She may find herself questioning the relationship every step of the way. Men simply aren't programmed to think like that and therefore are better suited to the chase, Daily says.
3. She is sexy without being trampy. This means something different at the beginning of the relationship than it does down the road, Daily says. In the beginning of courtship, a woman should refrain from making any comments that are overtly sexual. She also flirts by using nonsexual touch like placing her hand on his forearm or even the knee but only briefly. When the relationship gets more serious, and presumably more intimate, sexual touch and public displays of affection are more appropriate. At this point, it's okay to play footsie under the table.
4. She waits to have sex. Yes, the sexual revolution arrived long ago and few people expect a "pure white bride" nowadays. But sex is still a pretty big step for couples. Daily says that many women don't even realize just how much sex changes the dynamics of a relationship. When women have sex, they release a hormone called oxytocin (also referred to as "the cuddle hormone"), which some scientific researchers believe makes women feel extra warm and fuzzy for their sex partners. Daily warns that if women do the deed too soon, they might make too much of a relationship that barely ever existed outside of the bedroom. When you inflate the significance of a relationship, the man often bolts. Daily's advice is to wait at least one month into the relationship before having sex with your new man.
5. She does little things to show she cares. Daily has one friend who noticed that her traveling salesman boyfriend never had time to get his shirts washed, so he would just go out and buy new ones. Her friend started to drop off his laundry at the dry cleaners once a week. Daily herself cooks for her husband. "It's as if he doesn't even know where the kitchen is," she says. "But that's not to say that he starves when I'm out of town." No, you do not have to turn into June Cleaver. The bottom line is that you should want to do the little things that let him know you care and you are paying attention to his individual needs. And he should do the same for you. Daily boasts that her man scrapes the ice off her windshield on cold winter mornings!
6. She should be her boyfriend's best wingman -- err, wing woman. Help him to look good in front of the boss, advises Daily. Laugh at his jokes and help him shine when it is important. Of course, again, he should do the same for you.
7. She never turns on the pressure. This one is important. Men have a distinct aversion to any sort of pressure, says Daily. Therefore, women should avoid calling and/or emailing him many times during the day or dropping hints about the future. In fact, keep the dreaded M-word (marriage) out of your vocabulary all together. "Men don't want to constantly take the pulse of a relationship," says Daily. "They would rather just enjoy it."
8. She does not take any crap -- from anyone. A good woman never accepts bad behavior. Guys respect women with whom they can't get away with anything. If he knows there's a penalty -- like getting thrown to the curb -- for a serious violation like cheating, he'll respect you more, and he will be far less likely to do it. You should also never even bother to date married men, those who already have girlfriends or anyone who verbally or physically threatens or abuses you. Period.
9. A good woman always chooses a good man. That means that you should look for someone who is honest and dependable. He has to treat you right. If he says he is going to be somewhere, he is there. Chivalry is not dead, by the way. "Good manners are a deeper window into what kind of man he truly is," Daily says. You should also have compatible views on money (which is the number one thing couples fight about). Even though they say opposites attract, savers should think twice before shacking up with wild spenders.
10. She knows that love is the biggest part of the mating equation. Just how does a good woman know that she has found that crazy-for-you, toe-curling relationship? Daily says that some women have an "a-ha" moment, while love simply sneaks up on the rest. "I believe the feeling includes a unique sense of comfort and acceptance and the feeling that someone else's happiness is as important to you as your own," Daily says. "A certain amount of toe curling is key as well."

All right guys, you are the guys, tell me what you think!
Accurate, not accurate... really now, be honest.
Girls how about you, what do you think?


Shannon said...

I actually agree with this, but Number 6....ONLY if he does the same for me!! =)

Great List!

Edge said...

I would tend to agree. It can be summed up in one word "signifigance". Men want to feel signifigant ( I sure hope I'm spelling that right. ) I'm not sure #2 is as clear as it should be. Some men just need a little hint now and then a woman is interested and women sometimes your hints aren't that clear. Read "His Needs, Her Needs." If the writer had read that book they could have saved their time and research. But basically, I would agree these are pretty correct. Is this a revalation to anyone?


The Husband said...

i think there is alot of truth to that. i agree with pretty much all of it.

Fred said...

I would agree with all of these except #2. There's nothing wrong with a woman asking a man for a phone number.

Alistair! said...

So she questions nerdy no-hopers whose actual experience with women is down to a monthly bashing of the beef bishop when they get the new playbiy.

Total tosh. No one can quantify a happens.

MyUtopia said...

That sounds about right. Very interesting list.

Mr. Althouse said...

I absolutely agree with all except number two. I like it when a woman makes the first move. Maybe that's just me, and I'm only talking about the first move... I don't mind taking the lead either though. ~Mike

rastaman said...

Peace and hugs to you Babygirl!

Rasta likes the list, and mostly agrees ... but, maybe it would be good to know what he's like under pressure, lol.

john said...

i agree with you 0 %

jiggs said...

I like it when a woman initiates a conversation. And as for activities I think the woman and the man should both initiate stuff. i.e. if it's only going one direction, then that's a sign that a party is not interested.

Secondly, waiting a month for sex!?!?! Sexual chemistry is important to me and so I would expect that sex should start when it feels appropriate to do so, as opposed to an artificial deadline.

Lee Ann said...

Shannon ~ It is interesting, I think. I think most of these things I could go along with, maybe not all of them.

Jef ~ Thank you for the insight!

Carl ~ Ok, I like getting this feedback.

Fred ~ Oh, that is good to hear! What is your phone number? haha

Alistair ~ I think a lot of what you say makes perfect sense. I do think we all have some idea in our own mind of what we like and that is what we are initially attracted to.

Myutopia ~ I agree, I think it is interesting.

Mike ~ That is good to know. You are not the first guy to say that!

Rasta ~ haha, I think you are right about that! ;)
~peace and hugs from babygirl

John ~ Hey! Glad you stopped by. I wish we could get more feedback. I am really interested. Hope to see you over here more often.

Jiggs ~ I agree! I don't see anything wrong with letting the other know you are interested whether you are a guy or a girl.
I absolutely agree with you on the sexual chemistry. I think being a girl, I would not want someone to think I wasn't interested, but I would also want him to respect me and know that it is not routine! (does that make sense?) Very good point!

Neo said...

Lee Ann - Sounds like pretty accurate advise to me.

Peace & Hugs,

- Neo

jamwall said...

a like a woman that won't go "baaaaahhhhhh" everytime you try to initiate sex.

that and you can shave off her body hair and make a nice wool sweater..

robmcj said...

1 - definitely.
2 - basically true, if she's too assertive the guy runs a mile; but she should know how to make him think he's pursuing when she's really the one controlling the pace.
3 - yes.
4 - yes, though sometimes the wait needn't be longer than the second date.
5 - yes, with the emphasis on LITTLE thoughtful things, not big productions.
6 - yes, but only to the extent that it feels right for her, except on special occasions - part of her role is also to tactfully challenge him when she thinks differently.
7 - generally yes, though with the same variation as number 6.
8 - oh yes.
9 - of course.
10 - yes, though there's no simple formula that's accurate for everyone.

The writer seems to know what she's talking about. But number 11 would be "don't let him see you reading this book", especially the page about getting married to someone within 3 years.

Becky said...

I don't agree with 8. I think a shy, sweet woman is much more appealing to a man. It worked for me!

Lee Ann said...

Neo ~ Hey Neo! Hugs to you cutie.

Jams ~ u being a bad boy jams?...ummmm! *giggle* ;)

Rob ~ Thank you for the insight. I do understand where you are coming from. Have a great night.

Becky ~ I agree Becky!

truckdriver_sefl said...

I kinda like when she makes the first move from time to time:-}

WDKY said...

Pretty good, and I wouldn't really disagree with any of it. It would be interesting to know how many are still accurate if the genders are reversed, though!

Lee Ann said...

Trucker ~ Sounds like you are not alone with this feeling. Thank you for the input.

wdky ~ I know, I would like to know that too. I think for the most part, we are attracted to a certain type of person which leads us to them in the beginning. If you tend to like a more shy person, you are not going to head over to the one standing on the coffee table at a party, right?

Thanks to everyone for their input.
It has been interesting.

hotboy said...

All that sounds very sensible. I've been going out with the same partner for about 36 years, so I've hardly ever been in the dating game, but that list looks really good. As for myself, if the partner gets knocked down by a bus, I'm only going out with tantic adepts. Now, where would I find a josephine like that? Hotboy

Dave Morris said...

It's all subjective. I agree with a lot of it, but #2, #4 not as much.

Amen to #8. A strong woman is a necessity. I've been involved with some who weren't, and it's no fun.

Lee Ann said...

Hotboy ~ Wow, 36 years! That is awesome...makes you even more of a hot boy!

Dave ~ Whew!!! That is good to hear. No seriously, I value your opinion. It sounds good to me!

Aliecat said...

I don't understand #9...perhaps she could elaborate? Is there a cataloge of "good" men out there? I know I haven't found one. LOL! I agree with most of it, except for #2, I've found that most men like an assertive woman that will ask for his number or send a drink his way.

BeckEye said...

Eh, you never know what men want. As much as women moan that they're all the same, they're not. If they were, I would've caught on by now!

partygirljessica said...

I think I don't have to be a man to agree with these, but from my observation at webdate*dot*com, it's what the guys want from a serious realtionship.